i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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