OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize