Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I think my moral compass just broke
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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