so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
