i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize