Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I queefed so loud it echoed.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
