He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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