got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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