Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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