I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
