the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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