At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
