i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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