That's intense
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize