It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
