i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I intend to get homeless drunk
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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