that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
