sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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