so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize