Sry I called you an 8
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
