Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
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