wrigley field is MILF paradise
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
