I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
