Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
