he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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