Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
