Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
