The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We're too hungover to prance.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize