Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
