I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
