hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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