I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize