Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
