are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
