I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
