DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
