if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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