I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
