i think i have herpe
just one?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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