im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
