My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize