Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
