Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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