He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
