You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
