Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
