bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
