Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
