I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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