last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
