Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she told me i tasted like america
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
