I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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