I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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