Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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