So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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