I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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