Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
