Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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