WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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