What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
