i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
