Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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