Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
