I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
