I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
