Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
