For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
