I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
