Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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