I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
