If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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