You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hippo gnu deer
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
