We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
