im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
