Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
