Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
