Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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