So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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