he wants to bone in the snuggie
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
