Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
