i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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