i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
