so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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