He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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