I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
