you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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