dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
