there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have aggressive nipples.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
