I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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