i barfeds in our rink
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
