just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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