at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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