i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
