your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
