Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize