I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize