I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
