If that was your dad, he is hot
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
