Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
