Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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