I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
