I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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