recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
